Summary

The last six weeks of school did not go well from an academic perspective. In fact, this entire term did not go great as far as studying Chinese. I felt the high speed of my classes at the university did not suit me. I have no idea how much my Chinese has improved this term.

The school term ended on July 2. I plan on taking a standardized test that measures my Chinese on July 18, and then head home to New York for a few weeks. It has been a year since I've been back! I will fly home July 21 and return to China on August 16, with my mom. By that time, she will have retired. The plan is for her to hang out with me until September 26. In early September, I will start the new school term, at a different university from the one I studied at this past term.

My Plans

There is nothing new as far as my permanent plans. I will remain here studying until the end of the year and at that time decide my next step.

Details

Fighting for nothing

In my advanced class at the university, many students were dissatisfied with our classes but did not speak up to the administration. I took the lead and helped the administration understand the various areas we were not satisfied with. The main problem was that a few different levels of students were mixed into one class. As a result of my pushing, classes were finally changed. The main change was that an additional, difficult class was added. Thus, the advanced students could attend the difficult class, and the lower-level students could attend the easier.

I only attended the one easier class. The majority of the students attended both. This was possible because class times did not overlap. Thus, the advanced students' Chinese level dictated the speed of the easier class, and the change in scheduling did not benefit me. I ended up dropping the class as I felt it was a waste of time. All my work to change things helped others but not myself.

Phone call at 1 AM from Sun

In the middle of one night, while I was sleeping, a Chinese girl from my school, who I had exchange numbers with but who had never used it, called me. After some game-playing (like, "Guess who I am," etc.), I figured out who she was. Her name is Sun. Sun said I came up in the conversation she and her friend were having at that late hour and her friend suggested she call me. Though it was rude of her to call me at that time, I thought it was funny. I don't think anyone had ever done that before. She said I should take her out to dinner because of a lollipop she gave me when she ran into me on campus. It sounded fair enough to me, and later in the week I invited her over for dinner.

Getting to know Sun and Klen

A few days later Sun and her friend, Klen (another girl), came over. They arrived with their hands full. They brought over watermelon, lychees and two books, to give to me as gifts. I was a little overwhelmed. I served them steamed cauliflower, which the Chinese always find strange (but the women seem to like, because they know they will not get fat from eating it) and grilled cheese.

Sun and Klen were very curious. Whatever I'd say about myself, they'd say something like, "Oh, so Americans are like that," or, "They are like that." In China, I am perceived as representing all of America, or the entire West.

Sun and Klen's hairdresser

The next week, it was Sun and Klen's turn to host me. Unlike most dates with Chinese, they arranged the day well in advance, so already I liked them. I met them by Klen's apartment, near our school's campus. I brought over red roses - those were the only nice ones the flower shop had), and said they were for the two of them. They tried to have me choose who I wanted to give more to, but I refused to play a favorite (though my favorite was Sun).

Though they had pulled an all-nighter the previous night, they had spent the afternoon preparing the food, and when I arrived everything was ready to cook. The food was excellent and I felt spoiled. I spent most of dinner talking to their roommate, a male classmate of theirs, who told me a lot about China's education system (a topic I find interesting) and specifics about our university.

Later in the evening, Sun and Klen's hairdresser invited the two of them to go out him and his friends. Though neither of them wanted to go, they felt obligated to, since this was the first time the hairdresser had asked them to go out with him. The Chinese do a lot out of obligation. After politely declining, and then being convinced that I was more than welcome to come, I decided to join them.

Immediately after boarding bus into the city, Sun and Klen saw one of their advisors from school (who also spotted them). They were very embarrassed as it was 9 PM on a weekday and they were going out. Embarrassed is an understatement. It looked more like shaken. Klen was almost crying. I was amusing until I saw how just how upset Klen really was. I helped hide Klen so that the next time the teacher looked back, she would not see Klen, and would possibly think she was not going out. Sun was not as concerned as Klen was, and besides, she was sitting away from me, so I could not hide her.

In this traditional society, the thought of being caught going out like this was disgraceful. When the advisor got off the bus, she took a good look back at both Sun and Klen but because of my help did not get a good look at Klen. The advisor, a woman about twenty-five-years-old, wanted to emphasize to them that she disapproved and make sure they knew they were caught (though they were not breaking any rule).

It was the hairdresser's friend's birthday and we first went out for a big dinner. We were forced to chug a couple of glasses of beer. The guy who was giving all the pressure about drinking caught me cheating somehow (getting rid of my beer without drinking it), and so I had to chug some more. The birthday boy got drunk and threw up.

After dinner, we went to a club. The hairdresser paid for my entrance and for my drink, and I felt very awkward because I knew it was a lot of money for him. He probably spent one-week's salary or more on this night out. Unfortunately, I could do not do anything. Offering to pay or forcing him to accept my money might well be an insult.

It didn't seem like Sun and Klen were having much fun and I felt tired after dancing and people-watching for over an hour, but just leaving for no real reason is inappropriate. According to Sun and Klen, people go out together and leave together. I forced the issue, saying I had to go as I had classes in the morning. The hairdresser was willing to accept this excuse, as a proper Chinese person normally does. It is considered rude to somehow interfere with someone's studying. This says something about how the Chinese value education. Other excuses would likely be unacceptable. Sun and Klen used the opportunity to leave with me.

Sun and Klen are easy-going, but Florence on the other hand ...

Why do I continue to hang out with crazy Florence

Florence is not easy to hang out with because she never wants to eat with me. This leaves us with the choice of going for a walk, or hanging out at my place and chatting. In the latter case, I have to have a reason for her to leave at a particular time, otherwise she would likely stay indefinitely. (Many people are like this in China, which I find very inconvenient, as I like my space)

I arranged for us to meet near her apartment for a walk, allowing me to control the amount of time we hung out. We walked and walked with me leading the way, even though I did not know the area at all. Florence, as usual, continuously got annoyed as I looked at the different foods being sold on the street.

When I stopped to buy some fresh puffed-rice pastry, she disapproved. As I said, she doesn't like me buying street-foods - she pulls faces! She walked away a little, which I am used to, but this time, after buying the food, I could not find her. I became annoyed and concerned. I did not have her cell phone number on me so, if I did not find her in a few minutes, I would take a taxi home.

Finally, she came out of hiding and I couldn't help but be upset. I explained to her that if she did that again I would not wait around, but would go home. This was the second time she had pulled a stunt like this, and the last time I told her I did not like it (maybe not firmly enough). I also went off about the fact that she didn't like me buying food off the street, saying I would do what I wanted to do. While the faces are funny, I could do without them. After my tirade, we walked for a half-hour without speaking and finally I asked what her problem was. That's when she started crying. She couldn't hold it back. She explained how she hides with her friends and they all think it is funny. How would she know that I would lose my temper like that? And she didn't like me losing my temper. At least there was one positive from this night out -  Florence used a word for "losing temper" that I had not studied before, which translates to "emit fire."

I have concluded that Florence is not mature enough for me to hang out with. In addition, it is a huge problem that she has feelings for me that I don't have for her.

Coffee has name change (to Stephanie), and a date, and all of a sudden, a boyfriend.

Coffee did not like her name, and I helped her pick a new one, Stephanie, which has the convenient short form of Steph.

One Tuesday, Steph excitedly told me that she physically bumped into a guy at school, and they both turned their heads to look back at each other. She said it would definitely not lead to anything. He was handsome, she said, but not as handsome as me. In any case, she had no idea who he was, and she thought he didn't know who she was either. 

She explained that she once sort of had a boyfriend. I asked for details, and she said in high school, there was one guy who once called her name out in the cafeteria (just called it out from far away, that's all!). From that point on, she liked him, and a few times they would see each other from afar. Somehow the administration was onto it, and she stopped looking at him, as she did not want to get in trouble. Having a girlfriend/boyfriend in high school is against the rules. The two of them never, not once, said a word or hung out together, yet she almost considered this a boyfriend.

This time, things would work out differently. The guy she bumped into tracked her down and asked her out, in the typical Chinese way, saying, "Do you have time?" That's how the Chinese ask to get together with you. And Steph said, "I have time."

That Sunday morning, Steph came over to tutor me, and afterward borrowed my cologne and bath and body hand-sanitizing lotion, to use on her first date that evening. 

The date apparently went well. A few days later she called to let me know she could not make our tutoring session. I asked why, and she said she wanted to spend some time with her "boyfriend."

The next time she came over, she told me all about her date, their past week together, and the exciting moment when he held her hand (the first time a guy held her hand), and asked her if she liked him. She nodded, and from that point on they were boyfriend-girlfriend.

Usually, after tutoring me, Steph hangs out for a while. One Sunday after finishing our lesson, Steph and I went for a walk as I wanted to run an errand. As we started our walk, she asked if I particularly wanted her help with my errand. I said no and she then said that she had better get going. She did not want to take too long and worry her boyfriend. It was already almost noon.

I've learned a few things about Chinese relationships from Steph. One is that they like hide and seek - this phenomenon is not specific to Florence.

Steph previously studied only in one particular classroom (at our university, most people study in classrooms) but a few times she changed classrooms so that her boyfriend would have trouble finding her. I guess the Chinese do not play enough hide and seek growing up, or maybe we play too much! This is a typical game, one which the man finds amusing, she said.

Another thing I learned is how much they care about being looked after closely. Recently, Steph almost broke up with her boyfriend because she was not happy that he did not look after her enough. He did not call or write her text messages to make sure she had eaten well, slept well, things like that. When she told him that she wanted to break up, he then went out and got drunk. When he returned to campus he made a scene expressing his love, and he didn't care who knew! She gave him another chance.

A few weeks into their relationship, I asked, and Steph said she loved him. But a week later, she said she didn't think it was going to last, as he did not seem serious enough. She mentioned he looks at other girls too closely. And of course there's the problem that he doesn't look after her enough.

He also lied about his experience with women. In addition to one girlfriend he had in high school (which he had previously mentioned), he has had some fun with a few other girls (though I don't know what that consists of). Interestingly, she said the fact that he lied about this did not bother her, but she is concerned that he's a playboy and just wants to play with her, which she is not interested in.

Dating in most parts of China is not casual.

Spicy food - no problem

One Sunday afternoon, my friend Celia and I went for some hot, Szechwan food. I liked everything she picked out, which excited her (and me).

She later told me that, from the shared plate (all the dishes are served on a common plate), I had picked some food from her side of the dish (a no-no). Thus, she was quite turned off at eating with me. In addition, she told me, she did not like how I had used my hands in some way or another when eating at home with her once or twice. Celia is a bit of a clean-freak, and she considered these serious problems.

Weekend with Mike

My friend from the US, Mike, who is here in China for the summer as part of his business school program, came from Beijing to visit me for a day and half. 

He arrived Saturday morning at 10 AM and after settling in, we headed out for lunch. While on the bus to the restaurant I had picked out, Florence called me. She had previously said she needed to meet me this Saturday (as the next day, Sunday, we would be attending a wedding together), but she could not commit on a time, nor tell me why we needed to physically meet. She wanted to meet right then, and I decided to just get it over with, so we got off the bus and met at a place we were both conveniently near.

The first thing Florence did was hand me a huge bag of food, including chocolate popcorn (enough to last a week, easily!), an onion, and some fruit. And lastly, she handed me a red envelope, which I was to put money in for my wedding present. We chatted for awhile, and when I realized there actually wasn't a good reason we had to meet, and that she just wanted to give me the red envelope (which she could easily have given me the next day) and food, I said we had better be going. I couldn't be upset with her, as it was sweet to bring me so much food, but it was annoying how she manipulated meeting up, as if there was something that was very important. Mike had a horrible first impression, and could not stand her. He had second thoughts about attending the wedding with me the next day. He thought she treated me like I was her boyfriend, the way she kind of told me what I had to do, but I defended her, as annoying as I find her, because we were going to a wedding together the next day and I didn't want Mike to think so badly of her.

After lunch, Mike had a big interest in going to Qingdao Beer's factory, so that's how we spent the afternoon, ending the factory tour with a pitcher of special, fresh beer. It was delicious.

In the evening I invited Garisson and Sun over. We went out for some noodles and then to the seaside for a walk. Garisson and Mike were acting a little weird because they thought Sun and I had something going on, so for most of the evening it was the two of them walking together and me and Sun in back of them.

Later in the evening, Sun's boyfriend started calling her, concerned that she was not back at her dorm yet, and acting like he was very worried, though I think he was more jealous than worried. Finally, she said she was "almost back at the dorm," though she wasn't even on her way. He is not a student and does not live on campus or even nearby, so it was not like he could check on her.

Garisson, Sun and Mike all slept over. I gave Mike and Garisson my bed. Garisson is used to sleeping on my bed because when he sleeps over I normally give it to him as he is big and would not sleep as comfortably as I would on the couch. Mike was annoyed at having to share the bed, as he expected to have the queen size bed to himself. I shouldn't have let myself get into this situation where there was no choice but to have everyone sleep over.

Sun slept on my couch, and I slept on the wooden floor. And that next morning, there was not one word of thanks or anything. The Chinese rarely verbalize thanks (it is considered unnecessary between friends), and Mike was understandably annoyed, but still I felt my hospitality was not at all appreciated.

Wedding

At 7 AM Sunday morning Mike and I left to meet Florence for the wedding. We tried to squeeze onto a bus, but only I could fit.  Rather than wait for the next bus, we took a taxi. Florence said to meet her at 8, and absolutely no later than 8:15, but she herself got to the meeting spot after 8:30, and we waited there until 9 for someone else. Mike was annoyed but I expected it.

Although neither the bride nor the groom was a close relative of Florence, she arranged for Mike and I to see the entire wedding process, which consisted of first going to the groom's house, then following him to the bride's house, then going back to the groom's house.

The highlights were when the bride and groom sat on a bed and fed each other noodles and dumplings, and when they fed their parents and future in-laws candy (at their respective apartments), literally putting chocolate into their mouths. After biting on the chocolate, the parents said how sweet the candy was (a metaphor for the marriage). I understand that if they do not approve of the marriage, or are not that happy about it, they may not say how sweet the candy is. While the bride and groom fed the groom's parents, I stood in a corner of the room, which was packed with relatives. In my corner, there was a little girl who had to go to the bathroom. The mom decided the best option was to hold her daughter out the window (7th floor) while the girl peed. I tried to inconspicuously snap a photo, but could not get a good one.

Throughout the wedding process and then the lunch banquet, Mike was very social, often talking to people and, it seemed, continuously working on his Chinese as if he were in class. Mike even sang a karaoke song in Chinese. 

Though people were friendly to Mike and Me, it was not like we were the center of the wedding or a focus at all, which was very good.

The girl sitting next to me during the lunch banquet gave me a piece of orange-flavored candy to try, and I was surprised at how much I liked it. I let her know, and she gave an entire bag. Mike refused to try even one piece, with all the real food around. In the afternoon, shortly before we left, the girl next to me, who had given me the candy, asked for my email address, which I gave her. Florence witnessed this, though she didn't say anything. After the wedding, Florence started text messaging me. First she sent the typical "care about" messages that, I guess, Chinese females like, asking if we got home safely. She then asked for Mike's cell phone number. I didn't reply to her message for an hour, because I was busy and her messages were not important. Florence likes to read into things, and as I did not reply, she sent a few more messages, one saying that there was no reason for me to be jealous, that she just wanted Mike's number to wish him a good trip. One said that I had had too much to drink at the wedding (though I had not had much at all). Mike thought she asked for his number because she wanted to make me jealous, as she was jealous about me giving some girl my email address.

I did not think anything of her messages, other than that they were annoying. I had already told her over a month ago that if she ever had anything to say, to call, not send me a text-message. I decided to call her to save time. Florence wanted to go along with me to take Mike to the airport, but I explained Mike would be going alone, I wasn't even going with him.

Florence's behavior, as usual, was overbearing, and since that day I have not communicated with her. It's been a long time coming. Though she is sometimes very good and very sweet to me, she's more than I can handle, even in a casual friend.

Though I had a fun weekend in many regards, it was also a bit stressful at some points, and I could not study at all after Mike left on Sunday night. Instead I went for an intense jog.

Setup

Garisson decided to introduce me to a classmate of his, Sherry. He brought her over to my apartment one morning, and we awkwardly chatted for awhile, eventually cooking lunch. The tofu dish I made seemed to be the biggest hit, I think because I added onions and made the dish spicy (by adding hot pepper sauce). The girl was cute, and I decided I would at least give her a call. We went out that Friday.

Tough jog, security guard wants to see what a foreigner who needs to use the bathroom looks like

Recently, I've been jogging with Garisson, and on one of our jogs, after doing pushups (which we sometimes do half-way through the jog), I really, really had to use the bathroom, but we were not close to my apartment. At a random building. Garisson asked the security guard if I could use the bathroom, and he said OK. Then Garisson asked where it was and the guard didn't answer for about fifteen seconds, instead curiously looking at me - he wanted to see what a foreigner who really needs to use the bathroom looks like! Garisson thought that was why he took so long in answering.

Few bathrooms here have toilet paper, but I was fortunate enough that in its place (in the toilet-paper holder) was some folded newspaper. Using that was a first for me, but not as strange as some of my firsts in India, where I had to use my hand once or twice (not as bad as I thought it would be).

Two Weeks off

Since school has ended, I have discontinued tutoring sessions, opting instead to spend more time with friends and studying on my own to review for the test I will take before heading home to the US for a few weeks. I enjoyed my first week off, going on a few jogs, studying some (but not enough), starting to watch Chinese TV (which I have wanted to do more of, but have not had time for) and even reading a little bit of the Chinese newspaper (this is extremely difficult).

Tuesday getting rid of people

On Tuesday morning, I met up with the son (named Ming) of the doctor at my university. The doctor had been very good to me when I was sick at the beginning of the term and had wanted me to meet with her son. Since I finally had some time, I arranged it. He is 20, and goes to school where I've been going to school. We met at 10, and he brought me a jar of Cadbury candies. I told him before we met that I was going to be meeting a friend in the afternoon. We walked around for a couple of hours, and Garisson called, as expected. He was waiting by my apartment with some food. Ming and I returned to my apartment and ate together. Garisson likes to speak English and Ming was also very interested in English (I learned from our conversation) so I decided to put on a movie after lunch and watch it slowly with them, giving explanations.

It did not work out well. Garisson got annoyed when I would say things that he thought were obvious (though his English is much better than Ming's). Ming had a hard time following along. After a half hour, Garisson was napping on my bad and Ming on my couch (I think overwhelmed with the English from the movie). I turned the movie off and went to my dining room to study. Garisson and I had planned to take a jog that afternoon, but I did not know how to get rid of Ming. After the two of them awoke, the three of us studied together, and after awhile I asked Garisson if he was ready to jog.

Garisson said Ming could hang out at my place and watch TV while we jogged, but I made pretend that I had not heard him, and said, "Well, let's go," implying it was time for Ming to leave. He seemed reluctant, but as I turned off the air-conditioning and the TV to make it clear that he could not stay there alone, he slowly put on his shoes. Garisson and I jogged, and Ming actually jogged with us for a few minutes, despite not having running sneakers on. Then we said good-bye to Ming and were on our way.

I asked Garisson if I was rude, and he said yes. He said I should have said to Ming, "What are your plans for the afternoon?" giving him a safe-facing way to leave. But, what if he said, "Oh, I don't have any." I'd be stuck saying, "Well, have fun, Garisson and I are leaving and I don't want you staying at my place alone."

That was an awkward afternoon.

Miscellaneous (Cultural)

• The Chinese always compare foreigners' Chinese. For example, when Mike was here, Garisson and Sun couldn't help but say his Chinese was better than mine. I've gotten used to the Chinese doing this, as even teachers do it in class, but it's still annoying. If I'm the coach of a baseball team, it's unnecessary to point out who plays the best.
• One day Garisson and I cooked for Apple. Instead of thinking it was cool, two guys cooking for her, she said it was fine, but that she could do better.
• I've had various conversations about the state of education in China. In universities, cheating and plagiarism are prevalent. It's accepted and often not dealt with at all. Homework is usually not read, and various students make fun of their teacher in their paper, or put in a random few pages (copied and pasted from the internet or anywhere, for that matter). In China, it's more important now than ever to have a university degree, but the system is not prepared for it. Though the number of students has increased drastically, the result is, in my opinion, a mediocre educational system.
• Florence told me how the headmaster at her school made her take a test for someone as the scores at the school were not high enough. It is interesting that such a girl with traditional values would do this. I think it reflects the way corruption runs though society and is a part of the way people live, not looked at in quite the same way we do. The majority of people would not think that there is something seriously wrong with this.
• It is amazing how much time people spend text messaging each other (send each other short text-messages using their cell phones). And it seems not to matter how formal the occasion, a person will have their phone on and reply to such messages. I guess I should not say it is a waste of time since people find it fun.  It seems like an obsession here.
• Zhou, my tutor, talked about how important it is to be generous among friends and that money should not matter at all. She stressed how this is important to the Chinese. To me, it's somewhat of an oxymoron. The Chinese care so much about not caring about money. To me, this is caring very much about money!
• If a Chinese person says "thank you," it means they are not a good friend, so among good friends you simply do not say it (though among strangers, it is common). I've taken people out to eat so many times, and they almost never say a word of appreciation. I do understand that is the way it is, it's not that they don't appreciate it.

Miscellaneous (Random)

• I decided to buy rollerblades. The first time I used them, within a minute of leaving my gate, I went down a teeny weenie ramp. I did not realize how much speed I would pick up in such a short distance, and could not stop in time. I crashed into a wall, cutting a few fingers. The wrist guards I had bought were of low-quality and one of them broke, but at least my wrist was OK. I ignored my cuts, like a real man, and blissfully continued my first rollerblade, though with more caution than I originally had. When I go rollerblading, people cheer from buses, and of stare at me like I'm from another planet. It makes me laugh, and when they point out or stare, I can't help but smile. Sometimes I wave, but usually I just smirk.
• I tried to watch Mel Gibson's Christ movie, but did not understand it, and after twenty minutes could not bear to watch it. I had a couple of my friends try to watch it and they couldn't bear more than five minutes.
• I jammed finger one of my fingers a few months ago while playing basketball with Garrison, and it still hurts. I think I will have a deformed finger for life.

• I watched almost every game of the NBA finals, and much of the NBA playoffs, on Chinese TV. Neither my satellite's ESPN nor Star Sports gets the games.

People

Garisson

• I've spent more and more time with Garisson, as we watched much of the NBA finals together and recently started jogging. He has impressive endurance and sometimes I get tired before he does. But now that I've started jogging faster and mixing in pushups, he has been having a tough time.
• As we've spent time together, we have gotten on each others nerves. He does not like (he used the word "hate") the way I use my hands when I speak, and does not like the way I speak English. I find him somewhat presumptuous and too comfortable around me. He frequently invites himself over, and when here, he showers, uses my towels, naps on my bed, without a second thought. He's taken "make yourself at home," to another level.
• Sometimes he is very honest and I'm surprised at the things he shares with me. I can't help but not like some things he says, but wonder why he would admit them to me. For example, he admitted to finding Sun attractive, the one night we all hung out together. He said he did not want to be in a room alone with her because he did not know if he could control himself, that he might try to kiss her. That struck me as very strange, but maybe this type of comment is a result of his living in this somewhat repressed society, at least as far as the interactions between women and men.
• We sometimes talk about girls, and he pointed out that the type of girl I would like is the opposite of what a Chinese person would like, and thus very difficult to find. The Chinese want a gentle woman, somewhat submissive and traditional, among other things. I prefer an independent woman, one more rebellious and less accepting of the way things are, using her own mind to decide how she wants to live.
• After a long jog one day, Garisson and I decided to bake banana bread. Garisson had previously made such bread with one of his American English teachers, and they had given him the recipe. We spent awhile shopping and cooking and the bread came out fine, but not exactly like the one his teacher made. Thus, he didn't like it and left it all for me.