March 14 - April 20, 2003
Summary
I have now been in Kunming for eight weeks. I have noticed my progress in reading, writing and speaking Chinese. The other day, a vendor at a newsstand complimented me on my speaking, though I did not understand exactly what he said. After hearing his compliment, I felt too awkward to say, "What did you say" Often, people will tell foreigners that their Chinese is good, just to be polite, but I decided to take this as a legitimate compliment.
My daily routine has changed. A few weeks ago, I stopped going to Tai Chi and Calligraphy classes. They were both a lot of fun, but for social reasons rather than for learning. Instead, I have started to play basketball regularly with an American friend of mine here, DaXiong (pronounced Da Shiang), which is Chinese for Big Bear. No one calls him by his given name, Andrew.
I regularly meet with two Chinese females. One is a student with whom I do language exchange, Shelly, and one is a friend, Marsha, whom I study with in a less formal way. Most males end up studying with females. I have also twice met up with with Shelly's classmate, Julia. When doing language exchange with Shelly we usually alternate by spending some time speaking only Chinese and then only English. Many people think Marsha is a bit strange. I too think she is strange, and that is part of why I like her. I consider her my friend rather than simply a study partner. Rather than an hour of speaking English and an hour of Chinese Marsha and I speak a mix.
SARS has not had a huge in fluence on daily life but has caused a few of my acquaintances to leave China. The concern is growing and I see more people with masks. The information we have is that no one in Kunming has contracted SARS, though I have heard various unconfirmed rumors about cases in Kunming. If I had to bet on it, I would say it has reached Kunming. People do not trust the government, and that is a major reason why people are not comfortable being here. More and more people are wearing masks, but I have heard that they only provide protection for fifteen minutes, after which the virus can pass through the mask because of its moistness.
Details
My Chinese
Weekend of March 14
On Friday, twelve of us went to eat at Sunnyside. We filled three taxis and all three drivers said that they knew the location of the restaurant, yet none did. At red lights, our driver got out of the car to talk to the one driver that was following us, but he too did not know the final destination. Coordination can be a challenge and I have learned that it is best for plans to be as simple and unambiguous as possible. Now when I get into taxis and the driver says that he knows the destination, I ask if he is one hundred percent sure. For some reason, people think that is a funny question.
We finally did all get there. After dinner, we headed for the Irish pub. Coincidentally, all of the Americans (five of us) walked from Sunnyside to the pub while all the others cabbed it. We got lost despite someone confidently claiming to know the way, and it took 45 minutes. That night I made a comment to two of my classmates, Emma and Anthony, about how women hear their names mentioned in conversations and immediately tune in, as if this were a female quality. They had fun with that during the following week during class. They would say my whisper my name every now and then just loud enough for me to hear and of course to get my attention.
On Saturday night, I met with Marsha to cook dinner together. As we shopped for ingredients, I could not resist buying a steamed bread bun, which as it turned out had no taste. I promptly threw out what was left from my first bite, and then bought some corn meal. The seller had two colors and that excited me. I tried both colors and they tasted about the same. The consistency was of fine couscous. The Chinese do not eat it by itself but that is what I did, right out of the plastic bag that it came in. Like a savage, as Marsha likes to call me--only she calls me that because I serve myself multiple dishes at the same time instead of taking from one dish, finishing the food, and then taking from a different dish. The corn meal has less flavor than white rice. I liked it, but not enough to buy it again unless I am really hungry. Back at Marsha's room, we were joined for dinner by her friend, an incredible basketball player, as I would later find out when she completed reverse lay-ups while I was guarding her. When speaking English, the friend, like many Chinese, says the letters "r" and "l" the same way, saying the "l" as an "r" sound. The words "usually" and "world" are especially difficult.
I did not understand the problem until I tried to think about what goes on in my mouth when I say these letters. I realized that the position of the lips and tongue is similar when pronouncing each. For "l," the tongue must be moved forward a bit, though the position is very similar to an "r." Although what goes on in the mouth is similar, what comes out sounds very different to my ears.
I helped with the cooking because I wanted to learn. Preparation was done in Marsha's room. We sat on our knees, like little kids. Vegetables are often cut into small pieces and made to look pretty. All cooking was done while squatting around what I think is called a burner, a flat stove with one hot surface to put a pan on. It is impressive what you can cook with just a little oil and a large pan in which to stir-fry.
Marsha has one small room, about 100 square feet, and no kitchen. Marsha's apartment also has no bathroom, but the complex does have one toilet. There is no shower at the complex. To clean themselves, I think tenants use soap and mix boiled water with the cold water they get out of the faucet.
On Sunday morning, Marsha and I met to have breakfast at a place that served the same noodles she had in her hometown. She had been hyping this up for awhile. It was good but not out of the ordinary. The different types of noodles here taste so similar, yet people have strong preferences, as they do with white rice. I have preferences for different white breads, and thinking about it that way helped me make sense of it. I prefer Wonder bread and Pepperidge Farm. After breakfast, we went to Western Hills, a place to spend an afternoon hiking. We opted for the bus instead of biking.
We boarded the bus at the first stop. As the bus opened its doors, it was bombarded with people and we were too slow to get seats. We ended up standing for about an hour. We ran into traffic when the bus route went through a crowded market taking place right in the middle of the street. Part of the problem is that sidewalks are not wide. Near the end of the bus ride, Marsha got a seat and I sat on her lap, which I thought would draw looks but it didn't. At Western hills, I ate a couple of half-pineapples on a stick since we had not brought lunch before starting our hike. We saw some monuments with inscriptions and for fun I looked for characters I knew. Near one of the monuments we found a less-taken path, and on that path a nice place to lie down and rest, under a mix of blue skies and shade provided by the trees. We napped to the sound of birds chirping. It was memorable.
Later, we did some hiking. The hike overlooked a Kunming lake and Marsha told me a love story that corresponded to the scenery. We had a view of the hillside, and it looked like a lady's hair and dress. This lady and a man were in love, but she was set up to marry someone else because the man she loved did not have money. He was given three days to get the money. He went to try to catch enough fish to sell, but never made it back. Soon after that, the woman jumped to her death, into the same river where the man she loved had died.
Near the end of our hike, Marsha meditated for a bit while standing on a stump. She did not tell me she was going to meditate, she just did. I tried to do the same. Rather than board the bus at the exit of the park, we veered off to the side and went for a long walk, bypassing the exit and passing through farmlands and eventually getting into a town. After over an hour of walking, we headed back to the park exit. Marsha asked a few people for directions. We found our way back, and I bought another pineapple as we waited for the bus. This time there was no problem getting a seat. Still, I made sure to push everyone out of the way to insure that this would not be a problem, and we were among the first people on the bus.
When we got back, Marsha wanted to cook dinner. I was not hungry but did not want to pass up an opportunity to be cooked for. We bought some fresh ingredients (lettuce, vegetables, rice noodles and scallions) and cooked them with soy sauce and some left over stinky tofu from the night before. It seems that food never goes to waste. There is often room-temperature rice in the rice cooker ready to be re-cooked in the rice cooker, if I don't finish it first. I sometimes take handfuls after waking up, when I am famished. I did this in Beijing and at Marsha's room. There is a certain pride abouteating rice in China. How can someone say white rice is delicious? And that is coming from me. I used to eat a pint of plain white rice for lunch in high school (along with some grapes) before my taste improved.
Week of March 17
This is the week that I stopped doing calligraphy and Tai Chi. At first, I thought calligraphy would be so interesting. I could learn about Chinese characters and be artistic. But the teacher would instruct for five minutes and then put on music for the remaining 115 minutes. During this time, we would practice writing with our brushes on our calligraphy paper, and the teacher would walk around the over-crowded class helping people and showing off his skill, while reminding us that if we practice a lot then in some years we too could write like him.
It felt like I was writing characters without any instruction (since his instruction was so brief), so class felt more like a kindergarten art class than a serious one. Frederic and I continued to give it a chance since we had fun talking with our sixteen and seventeen-old Thai female classmates. It is not easy to get the feeling that you are five years old, so the class did have some value. I told Frederic, imagine if five months ago we knew we would be in this class doing what we were doing (nothing but laughing, and drawing like children with no skill). We laughed throughout the class because it was so ridiculous and because we really did feel like kids.
Tai Chi class was not quite as useless as calligraphy, but I found myself frequently peeking at my watch during class, so that was reason enough to stop going. This class was also over-crowded though it did not seem like a good enough class to warrant such a crowd.
One day, at the beginning of class, we had an activity where the instructor would say a number and we would have to get into groups that size. For example, he would say ten and we would get into groups of ten. Then he would say four, and we would get into groups of four. The people that were not able to get into a group would have to squat for ten seconds, and since I was not exactly enthusiastic about this activity, it happened to me twice. The activity was as pointless as an activity can be. At best, it is useful if you want to learn how to count. This too felt like kindergarten class, and no one ever found out the point of this activity.
I do have one special memory from class. One day we had an activity where we had to squat, with our thighs parallel to the ground. It was an activity where you competed against one partner, and I ended up with a 60-year-old man. After a few minutes, we were the only two people squatting and the large class came around and watched. I remember being very good at this in high school. Neither of us would give up but my legs were shaking. Finally, the teacher called it a tie and the class clapped.
It would be neat to be able to write calligraphy, but there are a lot of things that would be neat. The same goes for Tai Chi. It is a nice relaxing exercise, and would be nice to master, but is not something I would keep up.
On to another subject entirely. To encourage her cooking, I let Marsha know that I think it is fair that I buy the food when she cooks (and also that I do the dishes), though I do in fact help out with the cooking. One evening, as we were shopping at the market by her house, she decided that I should buy a ready-cooked chicken. I thought that was taking advantage of my policy but did not mention it. The chicken turned out to be red inside, not fully cooked, and we were disappointed. We also bought a monster-sized white radish, and we practically finished it before getting to her room.
This night, Marsha also wrote and gave me a letter, exclusively in Chinese characters. I tried to translate it, but finished 15% in four hours. The combination of not knowing characters, difficulty recognizing handwriting (if I cannot read it accurately I cannot look up the character), and the slow process of looking up characters is not easy to overcome. Though I asked, Marsha will not tell me the pinyin, so to this day (weeks later), the letter remains untranslated.
On Thursday, I met an English girl, Helen, for the first time. The way we met is an interesting side story, which I will explain later. We got along well from the start. I invited Helen to come with me when doing language exchange with Shelly, and we have been going together ever since. Our routine with Shelly is to first go jogging and then chat and have dinner. She also meets with Shelly on her own for some girl-to-girl conversations and once conspired with Shelly to play a trick on me.
Though Helen has a much better vocabulary than I do, when Shelly has questions about difficult English words (almost all of them), she insists on having me explain it. Shelly says she is my problem. She got this from me. She once asked me to study with her roommate, and I asked why. She said her roommate wanted to practice English. I said, "that is not my problem, it is your problem." Now the dynamic is interesting. If all of us are together, I usually consult Helen first and then inform Shelly, but sometimes Shelly lets Helen get a word in directly. Shelly also doesn't like me using the dictionary when I do not know a word.
Some words Shelly has asked me about are topology (not in my electronic dic), whippet-thin and time-honored escape. It is my fault for giving her a tough book, A Beautiful Mind. Helen says every person in England knows what whippet-thin means because dog racing is common there. I had no idea. I learn a lot of words from Helen. Whippet-thin means thin like a whippet, which is a thin racing dog. DaXiong did the research and found out that topology means "a detailed map-maker, town planner."
On Saturday morning, Zhang called me at 9 AM and invited me to her place to meet some of her husband's graduate students, so that we could possibly exchange studies. It is important to her personally that my Chinese improves. Shelly and Julia met me outside Zhang's apartment complex, which happens to be the same complex as their dormitory. At first, Zhang, Shelly and Julia cooked while I studied alone in the living room, but that lasted only about a minute. The large TV in the living room lured me. I decided to watch the Sex in the City DVD that her husband had bought. Coral-Ann called me and we invited her over. While watching TV, Shelly brought me some tofu and spicy pepper dip. Zhang had two special spicy sauces for me to try and both were great. I then went out to meet Coral-Ann. When we returned to Zhang's house we watched more of the DVD.
When she was done cooking, Shelly joined us in watching Sex in the City. Every ten seconds there would be a word that she did not know, and Coral-Ann and I would have fun providing the definitions. I explained what a flame means, but that is the least of it. There were some very explicitly terms I needed to explain. Sex in the city uses a lot of slang, and difficult words in general.
During lunch, Zhang's husband and more of his graduate students (the newcomers were males) joined us and we chatted (mostly in Chinese). It was interesting that they would ask Coral-Ann (an Australian) about America instead of asking me. Coral-Ann can speak much better Chinese than I, but the funny part was all their questions to her about America of all things. At lunch, I heard the story about the time Zhang's husband was doing some work at a university in Texas for a while and drank so much Coca-cola. I could not understand the story's significance since it is easy to buy Coke in China, but I found out from Coral-Ann that the point was that Zhang's husband could not cook for himself and that is why he ended up drinking Coke. It was not a comment on America and discovering coca-cola.
After lunch, we watched more of Sex in the City, as a male graduate student peeled the apples for us just as my grandfather used to. He would peel them with one cut and then re-cover. Since there were now men in the living room, I thought that we should add Chinese subtitles to make the show interesting. Shelly's English is outstanding, but not the others. Shelly insisted that I not put them on. She did not want them to understand, because if they did, it would be embarrassing for her to be watching. I also could not tell anyone that Shelly enjoyed watching the show. It was OK if she found it interesting, but only for academic purposes. According to Shelly, it is not OK for girls to like, talk about or be curious about sex. Shelly told me about a Chinese saying--that the Chinese can eat anything but cannot say anything. We exchanged contact information before leaving and made temporary plans to meet and make dumplings.
Week of March 24
Shelly called me a couple of days later and we confirmed the dumpling fiesta for the following Thursday. She invited me and said I should bring some of my foreign friends. We would join her and Julia to shop, cook and eat dumplings. It turned out to be four of us: Coral-Ann, Helen, Frederic and me. Dumplings are time-consuming to make, so we arrived at 3:30. When we arrived, Fred and I joined Shelly in going shopping, and Coral-Ann and Helen went with Julia to her room to chat. When we returned to Shelly's room we started preparations while chatting in a mix of Chinese and English. I ended up washing the scallions for about 45 minutes, because each time I would show them to Shelly she would say that they were not yet clean enough. Later, I helped cut them until I cried. At around 5:30, Coral-Ann and company joined us in cooking and wrapping the dumplings. We literally made hundreds. Around 6:30, we started cooking them in the rice cooker (or maybe it was some other device). All the while we talked. I remember them talking for about an hour about how I was not tall enough. They were comparing me to Frederic, who is well over six feet tall. I found it entertaining. Some Chinese people can be especially straightforward in their comments and in generalizing about what is good and bad. I was told that there was no word for stereotype in Chinese. I think that is because they do not have a negative connotation with generalizations as there is in the US. The name of one university is called the Minority's Institute. The dumplings were great and the conversation flowed. At 8 PM, there were still many leftovers, and Fred and I took most of them home. The leftovers given to me were way more than I could eat. On the way home I ran into my Japanese desk-mate in the street. He usually does not eat food that I offer to him, but he surprisingly accepted some of the dumplings, gobbling them down. I could see on his face that he was enjoying them.
This weekend was a quiet weekend. On Saturday, a group of us had plans to meet for lunch at Zhang's house at 12 PM, after Helen's one-on-one tutoring, but it ended up being Helen, Zhang and me. Coral-Ann called me at 1 PM to let me know that she had impulsively decided to go visit her boyfriend far away, and would be there for a month. It was a shock. She was on her way that instant. I felt bad because Zhang had cooked a lot of good food for all of us. Coral-Ann's roommate, Edith, also did not come, and she too did not let us know. I felt responsible for my friends not showing up, but there was nothing I could do.
I played basketball on Saturday and Sunday. Marsha let me know that she wanted to watch me play, so on Saturday I let her know where we were going to play, and both she and her friend met up with DaXiong and me. They wanted to play, so we played co-ed. Marsha only lasted 15 minutes. Her friend was great and played the whole time. She made some moves that got my adrenaline going and I started to guard her with passion, wanting to strip the ball from her and get the cockiness and attitude out of her, but she still made successful moves on me. She was a great player. For some reason she would not pass the ball to DaXiong, though this was three-on-three. At the end of the day, DaXiong didn't like her and I was not happy with her play either, though she was good. I too was annoyed at her, and told Marsha that I would hang out with her later, but not while she and her friend were together. Often people do not pass to DaXiong though he is almost always the best player on the court. I am not sure why that is.
Week of March 31
This week I purchased from Peter, a man I had met on a biking trip, a special device (weighing about 50 lbs) that gives 110V output. I wanted this device so that I could use the electric razor I bought from home, but it did not end up recharging my razor, though I do not know why. Peter emailed me later in the week to ask me as a favor to be the judge of an English-speaking contest at the school where he was teaching English. I let him know that I did not normally do this sort of thing, but would do it just this one time. During the afternoon in which I was to meet up with him, I was with Helen and she thought it would be interesting, so we both went along.
We did not have time to sit down for dinner, so Helen and I bought some noodles on the street. I thought these were the same as some I had eaten before, but they were different. There were, without exaggerating, about 20 ingredients, including many oils and spices. They are added to certain cold noodles. They put tons of garlic on the noodles, and Peter could smell us the entire night. I bought lollypops and sucked on them constantly, but Peter did not want to tell Helen outright that she stank. He told me. I tried to offer her lollypops and sweets and gum, but she refused. The speeches were boring. The topics were big cities vs. the countryside, large vs. small families, studying abroad vs. locally, buying watches instead of engagement rings, etc. It was not fun to watch, as the English was painful to hear. The points made were also not too great. In any case, one funny thing did happen that is worth mentioning. At the end of the contest, the contestants got awards and they called Helen and me up to present them to some of the students. We both thought we were being given some special certificate, which is ridiculous. We went up and stood in the line with the contestants, holding the certificates up, until someone explained we were to give them to the students. It was so embarrassing, our assuming that we were getting certificates for no reason at all, that we did not mention it to each other. I think we both thought "this is ridiculous," laughing in our heads, and it turns out we were the ones that looked ridiculous.
I arranged for a dinner on Sunday night at a Western restaurant. It was a strange group. Besides Andrew, DaXiong and Helen (my neighbor), another Andrew, joined us. I call him big Mouth, a nickname given to him by DaXiong. He does not speak much, which is why I love the nickname. DaXiong calls him by his Chinese name, Andeleh. An older English woman who we had just met came along with us. The crowd was not the perfect mix, but the food and atmosphere at Blue Bird Cafe were nice. This restaurant serves good western food and has live soft music. There is more than one Blue Bird restaurant and we ran into a couple of people in the street who recommended that we go to a different Blue Bird from the one to which I had originally planned to go. We got lost on the way there, and ended up walking for almost an hour. DaXiong asked whether he should just buy some food on the street. We stayed until the band started playing a Kenny G song. I do not have any problem with him, but apparently everyone else did, especially DaXiong.
Week of April 7
Often, my mom asks what a day is like for me, so I kept track of a few days recently.
Tuesday
Wednesday
This morning, before class started, DaXiong brought me sticky rice and soymilk for breakfast. It was so nice that I had to include it here. The rest of the day was uneventful.
At some point, Helen and I mentioned to Shelly that we had jogged. Shelly said she wanted to jog with us, so the three of us went together one evening, meeting at Shelly's at 6:30 PM. I had a rough time during this job, as my stomach hurt, but I did not cut it short. Back at Shelly's dorm, I squatted in the bathroom for the first time. I somehow messed up despite being careful, and had to hide my urine-stained shorts from Shelly and Helen. I would love to improve at squatting. DaXiong says it will only make me more flexible, not stronger. After jogging, we split time speaking English and Chinese and went to eat at a nearby restaurant. We ordered three rice dishes. Shelly tried to order three orders of the same dish, but I insisted on different ones, varying the vegetables in each rice dish and asking that one be mild, one medium and the third hot. However, they all turned out to be somewhat spicy, hiding the flavor.
Thursday
Friday
I do not feel like playing basketball because my legs are tired, but I play anyway. One of the players is a talented and quick skinny kid, but he repeatedly fouls me. During one play, he used his elbow excessively, so I decided to shove him. I was wrong, and later apologized. DaXiong and Doug, another American who joined us, freaked out a little after I shoved the guy but the guy himself kept his cool. DaXiong says I always play with a scowl on my face. I always complain to him that I hate when people do not smile while playing, and he replies that I do the same. I told him that I think it is fun to play competitively, and the fact that I was not smiling does not mean I was not having fun. I say nice shot?sometimes. Some people do not say a word while playing and maintain a nasty look. At least I say a word once in a while. Maybe I too have a nasty look, but I think DaXiong is teasing me. Although he is particularly forthright, he also jokes around.
We decide that tonight we will have a lot of fun. I am most excited, but not for any particular reason. I am excited that DaXiong is psyched to go out. We start the night at Edith's. DaXiong generously brought Edith housewarming gifts of wine and flowers. We had some drinks and chatted, along with Mami, Edith's Japanese roommate. Mami's feet were showing, and they were awfully wide. I mentioned that they were funny looking, and we soon started talking about feet and fetishes. I analyzed Edith's, Mami's and Helen's feet and said I liked Helen's the most. Each set of feet had something funny about them, as I am sure mine do. After drinking DaXiong's two bottles of wine, we went out to eat at the Box, a nearby great Pizza place. We then went to Camel bar, arriving at around 12. Ten minutes later, DaXiong disappeared without saying a word and we did not see him for the remainder of the night. I later found out he went home. He was excited and psyched to drink and have fun earlier that night, but soon after arriving at the bar he lost his drive. He received a phone call, went outside to chat, and while chatting outside succumbed to the temptations of the taxis. I understand, as I too am often not in the mood. He also turned his cell phone off, which is just like him. He will either turn it off or not answer when he does not feel like talking, which is a quality that I respect. I told Helen beforehand that we would stay until breakfast time, but we only made it until 6 AM. Helen was not up to staying out later. Mami and Edith headed home around 3 AM. There were two Slovenian women that Frederic and I met a couple of weeks earlier, and for much of the night Frederic talked with the one he had previously hit it off with while I chatted with her roommate, Mojca. Later that week, Frederic and I double dated with these two girls. My posse thought it meant something that my arm was resting up on the top of her chair. But it was not touching her, and it was just a comfortable way to sit. A Chinese woman sitting behind me was friendly to Mojca, but particularly unfriendly to me for some unknown reason. She asked me to put my arm down, which I didn't do. Mojca also could not figure out what this woman's problem was. The woman was making a nasty face at me, but my arm was not near her, and the surface was more mine than hers. Previously, Mojca had thought that I was weird but now she liked me and was glad to find out I was not so weird. She did not like that the first time I met her I asked her several questions to find out how smart she was. At some point that night, Helen and Mojca discussed the impact and nature of the Western influence on China. Helen thought it was positive, but Mojca did not. They both constantly interrupted each other, and I found it humorous. Later that night, I asked them what question they would ask to determine how smart someone was. Helen said she would ask a person about what they are doing now and why. Mojca would ask what the person enjoys to do. At 5 AM or even later, Mojca wanted to go dancing at the Chinese techno places, despite everyone telling us that they were closed.
Saturday
On Saturday morning, after a couple of hours of sleep, I woke up and got ready to meet with Julia. I invited DaXiong. Helen was sleeping in my room because she could not arrive so late at the family she was staying with and I have an extra bed. I tried to let her sleep in, but she was awake and decided to come with me. We got there on time, at 10 AM. Julia had an over-confident roommate and the conversation among the five of us was awkward. Helen kept falling asleep and not hearing what was said to her, and tension grew between DaXiong and Julia's roommate. At 11:15, Helen and DaXiong left and I stayed. We had some nice soup for lunch, and Julia's roommate and I chatted about the books on her shelf, particularly one about sexuality and a novel about lesbians.
That night, we went to Blue Bird again. This time it was Helen, Helen's friend Zach, Shelly, Zach and me. In addition, while there we invited three Thai girls to join us. As we walked home, I told Shelly that men also have periods, just as women do. She insisted, "no," and I figured that she knew I was kidding, so I acted like, yeah, just kidding, but somehow she left the night thinking I had not been joking. She cleared it up later when she had a woman-to-woman discussion with Helen.
Sunday
In the morning, DaXiong text messaged me that he was going to the library to study at 10 AM. I joined him after 11. The main reading room was crowded, so DaXiong was in the emptiest of the rooms, where bags are not permitted. Nonetheless, DaXiong brought in his schoolbag and positioned his many books and drinks (water and ice tea) on the table. DaXiong also brought me an ice-tea, some water, TicTacs and some chips, and I brought him a large bottle of water. Eventually, I tried the ice tea and was very surprised to like it. Helen met us at the library and we chatted. DaXiong told us about a tumor he once had. A doctor had told him that he had only two weeks left to live. The Chinese person interrupts with some irrelevant English. People go up to DaXiong much more than to me, and when I am with him, I often walk away when that happens, although he does not like me to do that.
In the afternoon, at around 2 PM, while DaXiong is at lunch, I get a note in the library, asking me the difference between "To read without reflecting is like to eat without digesting" and "Reading without reflecting is like to eat without digesting." I think if you say reading you should also say eating, but do not know the technical difference between the original phrase and "reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting." I spend 30 minutes trying to think about this great question, often erasing what I have come up with. I conclude that there may not be a difference and Helen later tells me that they are the same. DaXiong says the difference is grammatical, but I have no idea what in particular he means for those sentences. They also both say that using the "to read" form instead of "reading" is more formal and more likely to be written than spoken, but I am not particularly convinced. Sometimes, I get amazing language questions and if teaching English were like this I would enjoy it, just as I enjoy studying Chinese.
By 4, I am almost ready to leave the library and Bethany calls. She is at French Cafe and I go meet her and her friend to chat. I am glad to find out that she will be in China next term. She speaks so quietly, in both English and Chinese. It is very cute the way she uses "like" like an American even when she speaks Chinese.
Week of April 14
On Monday, I had classes from 8-12, and for lunch I had chocolate in my room with my friend, Bethany. We ate chocolate for about an hour, so I had to jog it off later that day. I had tutoring from 1:30-3:30 and then went jogging at a track while a soccer game was going on. I had told three Thai girls that we would take them out to dinner that evening since it was their last night. But before dinner they were able to convince their parents to let them stay for a couple more weeks, as originally planned. They are only sixteen and seventeen, and are on school vacation. This was the second time they had said that they were leaving and yet stayed after all. Because of that, Beer, that is the name of one of the Thai girls, was worried about how Da Xiong would react. She took down his phone number before dinner, so that she would be able to call him to make sure he knew of the change in plans. After dinner, Zach, Helen, me and a friend of theirs hung out at a cafe until almost 12.
On Tuesday, Frederic and I went on a double date with Mojca and Alja. No one had a problem with calling it a double date, though my date, Mojca, had a boyfriend. We met at six and did not get home until after midnight.
On Wednesday, DaXiong, Doug and I play basketball, and Doug says he thinks it is not a foul to come down with a rebound and start throwing your elbows. DaXiong and I are laughing. Doug explains that he saw Kobe Bryant do this. Later he checked on the Internet and found out that of course it is a foul. He also wrote down all of the other significant rules and showed them to us. I was impressed and learned something myself.
In the evening, at 8 PM, I again met with Julia. Julia informed me that something was wrong with Shelly, because Shelly did not speak all day during class. I ask her what was wrong with Shelly, and Julia says that she did not know, and that I should ask Shelly. I thought that was strange. Could I say to Shelly, "Julia told me you did not talk in class all day but did not tell me why and told me to ask you myself?" I stopped by Shelly's room later that evening, but she was not home.
DaXiong had previously said that starting Thursday at 12:01 AM we would speak only Chinese amongst ourselves. During class break, at 9, I heard him speaking English and forced the conversation to Chinese, but since then we have reverted to English. We do occasionally chat in Chinese but the full switchover will take more time. Thursday afternoon is usually a great time to get some studying done, but the three Thai girls that were supposed to have left took Helen, Zach and me to a great shopping district. Since people were hungry, we had lunch first and it took an hour and a half. At 1:45 PM, we finally headed out to the shopping area, a half-hour bus-ride away. On the bus, Helen says she is not sure if she should tell me, but that Shelly is upset with me. I ask her why and she again says that I should ask Shelly myself. I was thinking that it was strange that both Helen and Julia wanted me to ask Shelly what she was upset about. Helen hinted that it was about me, and I started thinking about what I could have done. On Tuesday, I had jogged and run into Shelly, saying some obnoxious things to try to embarrass her, but she had kept laughing and saying that I could not embarrass her. Helen also hinted that Shelly might be jealous because of the date I had. We shopped until four and then took a taxi home. That is how to lose an afternoon of studying. At 6:15, Zach, Helen and I head over to Shelly's for a jog and then language exchange. Before we arrived, Helen gave Shelly a call and at the bottom of the steps in her dorm we ran into Mei, Shelly's roommate. She too said that Shelly was upset and was giggling some, but I did not pick up on it. I mentioned to Helen that maybe I should not go with her today if Shelly was so upset with me. When we arrived at Shelly's room, she was at her desk and it looked like she was crying. Zach and I left the room and Helen went to comfort her. A few seconds later, Zach heard laughing coming from the room. They had fooled us--this was a trick to get back at me because I had told Shelly that men have periods. The practical joke was almost ruined because, when I had walked into the room, Shelly was laughing so hard at her desk while pretending to be crying. Mei too was laughing very hard when she met us near the dorm. But it was not ruined. They got me, and it was funny. Shelly was thrilled about getting me like this and could not stop smiling and laughing about it all night.
We had an excellent workout jogging and doing pushups. After 45 minutes of jogging we were ready for pushups, but Helen and Shelly did not do any. Helen participated by sitting on my back and Shelly pushed down some on my back. Zach said that he would have no problems doing the pushups with me, but he only lasted a few sets. The next day he was in pain, from both the jog and the pushups.
I had planned to stay in Friday night to finally get some studying done. I think it is easy to see how a week can go by without study. But DaXiong had made dinner plans and, as happened the previous week, I am psyched because he is excited. We met at the Irish pub for dinner and drinks. I went straight to the drinks and ordered one with raw egg white in it. DaXiong was all smiles throughout the night. Helen asked for a massage, which I gladly gave her since her back feels nice. Zach knows Thai massage, but it hurts Helen. She liked my massage, but still went off about someone else who, upon his first touch, would put you in heaven. Not that I was jealous. Frederic was eager to get going to Camel Bar since the girl with whom he had a date was waiting for him there, but we do not get out of Sully's until 12:30 AM. We arrive at Camel at 1 AM. A few minutes later, DaXiong rushes out of there. This time, he let me know he was leaving instead of simply disappearing like last time. This time, he lasted ten minutes instead of five. At Sully's (the Irish bar), we met two Australians and they joined us at Camel. DaXiong let them know he was leaving. They asked him why and he told them the truth--that he was with them for two hours and had a great time talking with them, but that was enough for him, and bye, c u later! He told me this the following morning as we caught each other up on the night's happenings during one of our study breaks at the library. He is so straightforward sometimes that it almost seems ridiculous. I told him that I thought it was funny how honest he was, and that was coming from me, a particularly honest person. He told me that I am more abrasive than he is, and I think the contrast between the two of us is interesting.
On Saturday, I studied, played basketball, went to a Western style barbecue for the first time, and afterward met up with Viviana, a new friend I made the night before. Saturday afternoon, DaXiong took a study break to have lunch and returned with a Butterfinger bar for me. It is one of the sweet things a person does that you do not forget, but he does it all the time. I know he had a girlfriend he was in love with once, but he claims that he does not like anyone in his space. When people ask him why he is not married, which they often do in China, he says it is none of their business, which is considered very rude here. I went to bed early and got a good sleep despite being awakened Sunday morning by my mom at 6:30 AM because she was freaking about out SARS. My mom also called me Saturday morning at the same time. I did not mind that much because I understand her concern. Sunday morning I got a text message from Helen letting me know that she was at the library studying. A half-hour later, DaXiong sent me a text message saying that he was heading to the library to study. I decided to stay in my room and work on this diary. At 3 PM, Helen, Zach and I went to Shelly's place to make dumplings, and I did not get home until 8:30 PM. At 9, I went jogging for about an hour, and then showered and tidied up. Now it is 12:14 AM Monday morning and I am trying to finish this up!
People
I could write for ages about DaXiong, I find his character endlessly entertaining. To start with, he is six feet one and about 220 pounds, making an imposing figure. He looks like the typical American and acts like it, by being obnoxious and seemingly rude, though he has not lived in America for many years. He was an all-American athlete in football and hockey. Though huge, he is able to beat me to loose balls when we play basketball. I am glad to know that he gets a great workout when we play one-on-one hoops, though he complains about itty-bitty fouls.
DaXiong has a friend in Beijing who studied Chinese and now speaks fluently, so that is who DaXiong often looks to for study advice. His friend told him that he was not studying enough so he decided to study ten to twelve hours a day and showed me his schedule.
DaXiong dishes out nicknames. He and Frederic are in class together and he started calling our French friend, Frederic, Mali, a female Chinese name used in the textbook. That has stuck and everyone in class calls Fred, Mali. Mali used to hate it and also did not particularly like DaXiong at the beginning. I had an iffy impression of DaXiong, but it has changed entirely. He tried calling me Banana Boy because one day I was very excited about eating fried bananas. I am glad that nickname did not stick. He gave quiet Andrew the nickname Big Mouth. I started using that name, but no one else picked up on it. Now he prefers calling quiet Andrew by his Chinese name, Andeleh.
DaXiong said that using his electronic dic is better than being in love. He talks about studying Chinese almost as much as he studies it. He also often talks about his future study plans. After classes finish, he will probably continue studying far away from here, in Haerbin (in the North of China).
There are endless things to write about DaXiong. I am now going to list only some of them.
Shelly says she is a traditional girl, though she loves to know bad words and is very curious. This is a big secret from my tutor, Zhang, whose husband is Shelly's boss in the chemistry lab in which she works. Shelly speaks English particularly well and won some speaking contest. She is cocky, yet conservative, and in a cocoon but waiting to bust out of her shell. One of her books has a photo of her on both the front and the back book covers. She also has a photo-album with pictures exclusively of her.
Before the first time we met, Shelly sent me an offensive email--a response she had made to a friend of hers. Her friend had explained the reasons for the war with IRAQ and she argued, ignoring all the points made by her friend, and seemingly ignorant despite the explanation having been clear. After sending it to me she, profusely apologized because her friend told her how offensive it was. Not having read the entire email, I told her that it was fine and could not offend me. But later, I read it and it really was quite poorly thought out, though it still did not offend me. She had stated something like America is there killing women and children. So when we met, I was somewhat animated, explaining how Sadaam had killed many of his own people, and I explained that it was not our fault that he used civilians. I demonstrated this point, showing the Iraq soldiers holding babies in front of them to protect them. She asked me to keep it down and I calmed down. I was excited despite realizing that I should be calm--it happens.
Julia is more conservative than Shelly. At this point, I do not know her that well and do not discuss sensitive topics with her. Shelly tried to play a trick on me by telling me that Julia likes me, but this time it was too obvious.
During my second full weekend in Kunming, I went to a small village to help make cement for a house floor (in a Habitat for Humanity project). On the trip, I met an energetic lady named Sylvia, an American who is in Kunming because her husband is working here. That Saturday night, at Sully's (the Irish pub), I ran into Sylvia and a bunch of her friends, including an Australian couple. The Australian couple told me that they play Mahjong every Wednesday at Sunnyside restaurant with a group of ex-pats, including Sylvia. One Wednesday, during the Mahjong game, Sylvia told me that as she was walking on the streets of Kunming she ran into a girl named Helen and a friend of Helen's and treated them both to lunch because they were new to Kunming and were lost--they had not been difficult for Sylvia to spot. It turned out that Helen had also emailed me because we have a common friend who she knew going back to when she lived in Taiwan. Helen had just arrived in Kunming from Taiwan, so our friend gave her my contact info. I had emailed back to Helen that morning but had never met her. When Sylvia and I were talking, she mentioned this girl she had met in the street. I then asked the girl's name because there were some coincidences. Sylvia had Helen's cell number, so we called her to see if it was the same Helen who had emailed me. Of course it was. Sylvia says things happen for a reason, but with or without this coincidence, Helen and I would have met up and become friends.
So far, we have had a lot of fun together. Last Friday night, I listened to Helen and Mojca debate the Westernization of China. I usually agree with what Helen has to say. If I had to pick an adjective to describe her, I would say spunky. The first time we met we had a discussion about girlfriends and boyfriends and the difference in attitude and she easily rebuffed my ridiculous generalizations. Now I am more careful to think before I say something to her.
Carmina and Mark
Every morning in class, Carmina makes me smile. I am usually early to get my seat, and while studying she says hi and then starts immediate conversation. She has funny mannerisms, makes faces and wears funky outfits. She also makes trivial comments about the days activities and usually says she does not feel like being in class because she is so tired. Her husband is in a much higher level Chinese class, and I really like him too. My tutor, Zhang, is his teacher too. Carmina says Mark has such good questions. One day, Marsha and I joined Mark and Carmina for another of my double dates and we went to a noodle place I was excited about. I loved the story of their engagement as well as the one about how they first met. Mark was part of a wedding party and was shopping for clothes. Carmina was working at a clothing store at the time. Mark did not know that since he was part of the wedding party he was not supposed to bring a date (I also did not know this). So while Carmina chatted with him, Mark mentioned that perhaps they should go to the wedding together. Soon he found out that he was not supposed to bring a date and he did not bring her. But they did go out on a date and have been together ever since. They were thinking of going to China and were not yet married. So while in the car together, Mark said, "I think we should get married, what do you think?" Carmina shrugs and says, "sure" Their wedding was tiny, I think thirteen people, and just how I'd like my wedding to be.
Coral-Ann has not been around the last few weeks, because she went to visit her boyfriend, but I still have a few things to say about her.
Marsha is my best Chinese friend and we cook together, go places and chat. We usually get together twice a week. She wears a huge visor and gloves when she rides her bike. One day she went to a popular hangout, the French cafe, and asked everyone's opinion about the war in IRAQ. She claimed that this was for a homework assignment. A few people found that strange, but I do not see why.
Frederic's friends back home in France call him Fred, and he still tells Chinese people his full name, with his French accent. Maybe he finds it funny or interesting that it is impossible for anyone to pronounce his name. Fred and I usually have the same view about things, though this disturbs him and he does not like to admit it. He, DaXiong and I hang out together, though DaXiong is the connecting link. Also, Mojca and Alja connect us somewhat.
I do not know Bethany well, though I would like to know her better. She likes chocolate a lot but says her favorites are Peppermint Patties and Junior Mints, not exactly pure chocolate. I am not sure if she appreciates the best. She is Ms. laid back. She spends time at a blind lady's Internet cafe. I joined her there once and the machine crashed ten times before I finally gave up. She once made one of the sweetest comments anyone has ever told me, that she could "never get sick of me." I did not take it to mean more than it did, but still it was nice. If it were not for that comment, I am not sure she would be deserving of a separate section here.
There is one girl in my class who sits in the front row and I cannot stand.
Carmina and I have lots of fun talking about Big Head. I call her Big Head because she has a disproportionately large head and her voluminous hair prevents me from having a good look at the blackboard. My friend, Carmina, used to sit next to Big Head, in the front row.
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